Happy Fucking Anniversary

Well, it's been a long nine years. We've come through some hard times.. I just wish I could look at this and see what's happening.. where it's going, if I have wasted nine years of my life.. So anyway, here I sit all alone.. with my pink Kroger roses... and my $2.99 balloon.. I used to be happy with a flower picked from the freakin' yard.. but that was when I actually believed in that thing called 'love' Now I just think maybe it's something that man made up to get laid. Maybe this feeling we have inside when we start a relationship with someone we think we know is something.. but is it love? Can someone tell me what love is? Right now I am not sure.. not sure I care either. I am in one of my moods tonight.. you know, the kind where your damned if you do and damned if you don't. I just feel like I'm getting old and my life is not where it's supposed to be. Then again I am not sure where it is that it's supposed to be.. The thing is, I like being married, I like the 'married life' I like fixing dinner, doing homework, playing board games with the kids.. I mean sure, I like being grown and going out for a drink now and again, not too often.. I guess I really am getting old.. but I like the settled life.. I like it allot.. What I don't like is the comfortable phase.. the one we all get into after being together for a while.. the one where you have to stop and wonder if your even supposed to be together.. if your still as good in bed as you used to be.. if you still look just as cute in that little nighty you bought on your honeymoon.. if he comes in and takes a shower before he gives you a hug and you wonder if it's because he smells like another woman.. if he says he has a trip for work and you wonder where it is he is really going.. if he goes into another room to make a phone call and you wonder if you should pick up the phone and listen.. when he comes home from work three hours after his partner has gotten home to his family.. I mean.. who calls it quits here?? How do you know when enough is enough.. I mean sure, 'love'(the word turns my stomach) is important.. but so are those kids sleeping down the hall.. so is the house payment due on the first of every month.. I know some people who are going through these kinds of things now.. I know how hard it is.. I can't begin to tell you how well I know.. but isn't it easier in a way just to shut off your emotions and go through the routine we call life? Isn't it easier just to get up, go to work, tend to your kids, shower and go to bed at night.. eat when you need to eat, don't forget to breath and just take life one day at a time.. I am generally a happy person.. how important is 'love'? I am not unhappy with myself.. I am a good person.. I like me.. but life's a bitch. So, to all of you out there.. have a good night.. ignore my issues tonight and to some of you, I'll see you tomorrow..

I'm out.